Sex within marriage is pleasure
By Haroon Balogun
Allah forbids any relationship between a man and woman outside marital relationship. In fact, Allah ordered us in the Qur’an to lower our gaze from the opposite sex. The import of this is that you don’t contemplate any intimate or sexual relationship outside wedlock let alone sleeping around. It does not only weaken your spiritual powers, it is a major sin with severe penalty.
Allah however orders marital relationship with divine blessings. Fortunately for the men, Allah has given the conditional permission for marriage of 1,2,3 or 4 wives. The case is not the same with women who are regarded as mothers of nations.
Without digressing, express permission for sexual relationship is given on marital relationship, so much that Allah sanctions and even blesses any sexual moves with the legally married wife. Both spouses will enjoy the fruit of the divine union as ordained by the creator for as long as they remain in that union. One of the objectives of marriage is to preserve chastity of the spouse by minimizing the tendency to commit adultery, satisfying each other’s desires in a lawful manner and live happily in peace. This ultimately will lead to a sane society, devoid of sexually transmitted diseases and other hazardous implications of sex outside marriage.
Any form of sexual relationship between man and woman outside marriage is fornication. Allah says: “Nor come nigh to fornication: for it is an indecent (deed) and an evil way” (Q7:32).
Therefore, your relationship with your wife is part of obedience to Allah, and in fact a charity for the two spouses which they will be rewarded for. This is because, preserving their chastity and indirectly their religion, they will be blessed for it.
The Prophet (s.a.w) responded to issues like this at a certain time, and he said: “Your approach to your wife is a charity.” The companions asked further: “O Messenger of Allah, but we are fulfilling our own desire and we deserve a reward?” He said: “If a person fulfills his desires unlawfully, is he not deserving of punishment? Thus, if he does so lawfully, he deserves a reward.” (Sahîh Muslim)
Marriage is a partnership built upon love and trust. The Qur’an describes each spouse as a garment to the other. Allah says: “They are your garments and ye are their garments.” (Q2:187)
So, apart from the purpose of reproduction, sex is for the enjoyment and pleasure of both spouses. There is no hard and fast rule to its engagement when there is no natural hindrance like menstruation, post natal bleeding or physical or health challenges. Spouses can engage themselves in whatever and whichever position they so wish. Approach from the front or the back, but avoid anal sex and sex during menstruation.
In fact, it is not also allowed to stay away from your spouse sexually. The act is regarded as the whispering of Shaytan in order to cause rancour between the spouses. If you do, negative thoughts and arguments will creep in and that is a breding ground for discord. Again, lack of sexual satisfaction over a long period of time can lead to frigidity and dislike towards the husband.
It is the conjugal right of the wife to sex at least once in four months. The husband has to meet this obligation unless he is indisposed and that sex becomes harmful to him. Even at that, Islamic law states that the wife has to waive her right unless a prior stipulation was made at the time of nikah by the husband that he may not be able to engage in sex at least once every four months. This is more of the reason why Islam frowns at spouse staying distant apart. Even if the husband had to travel and be away for more than four months, the wife must expressly give her permission.
However, it is necessary to state that there are no specific rules for sexual intercourse; whatever is mutually pleasing is right, and whatever is mutually displeasing should be avoided. The only exception to this rule is what the Shar+’ah clearly forbids.
Islam recognizes the innate nature of man, and that is why it has ordained sexual relations not just for procreation, but also for pleasure. The whole exercise amplifies the creation of man and woman from a single soul
As part of the recommendation by some ulamau, Muslim spouses are advised to perform ablution before engaging in sex, wear perfumes and say the basmalah.
It is also important to note that Ghusl Janbat should be performed soon after sexual intercourse, and the sooner it is performed the better. Do not delay your Ghusl, because it it is the handiwork of shaytan to lure you into deferring your spiritual duties in order to turn you away from salat. You have engage in it for as many times as possible with ghusl after every action. Then the husband and wife should both use separate towels to clean themselves.
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